I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
