I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
