I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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