Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
