is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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