So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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