I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
the raccoons are back...
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