I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
