if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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