My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
