Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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