I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Bring me that man meat
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
