That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
