yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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