Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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