The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
