Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
