you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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