The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
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I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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