Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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