He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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