You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
