i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
