I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
