rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
