I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
