im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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