..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
