I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bring me that man meat
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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