you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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