She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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