we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
