I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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