There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
