i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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