we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I AM VODKA MAN
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I need to sanitize my soul.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
