i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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