I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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