:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
