When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just googled if crying burns calories
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
