Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
