some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize