Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
