my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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