Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
