I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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