TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
