So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
