I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
