okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
