That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
