I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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