ya dads aren't the best wingmen
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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