so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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