Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are we still banned from the library?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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