dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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