it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The best revenge is premature balding
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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