hotel room ftw
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
