I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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