like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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