I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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