Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
