Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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