I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
