He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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