I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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