I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
