its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
