Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
