im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
