I'm jealous of your bromance
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I just sharted jello shots
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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