this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize