why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
