party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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