Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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